Some where, some time, you probably have seen crazy "religious" people on the news or in the paper or on the street telling everyone how bad gay people are and how evil the "gay agenda" is. The scary thing is, they're not really all fools. They are quite intelligent, some of them, and they really believe in what they are saying.
You may not even want to get into a discussion with someone who is convinced that gay people are evil, but if you are just a glutton for punishment, you need to have the tools to make a good argument. So when your antigay buddy says:
It's wrong for a man to sleep with a man - it says so in the bible .. or that you are an abomination and you have to be killed or whatever.
Here is some information on how to answer this one.
Leviticus 20:13 says:
“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”
This passage seems to say that to disrespect another man while sleeping with him or submit oneself to disrespect from another man is a sin. In other words, since women were possessions, property, not to be respected but owned and used, to treat another man in this manner would be the sin. I am paraphrasing from an excellent article I read on http://gayspirituality.typepad.com -- Here is the article:
Read the article and all the comments. Also do a search on "leviticus 20", "bible condemns gays", "defend gay bible" .. and things like that. Read both sides of the issue! You need to be prepared to argue.
And if they want to talk about how gay people are trying to convert other people or "recruit" them
OK .. I don't know what to tell you except that it's sooooo ridiculous, all I can suggest is that you crack up laughing and ask for evidence. You can do a search on "gay recruitment myth", and you will see other people's opinion, but I don't think you need any data to combat this ridiculous argument.
It's a choice
This is a biggy! When someone is convinced that your gayness is a choice (this is why I hate the term sexual "preference"), then you are open to attack on so many levels, because you CHOSE this behavior.
Anyhow, those are, in my opinion, the most oft-used arguments about why gay people are bad and should be gotten rid of, repressed or otherwise "dealt with". For more, just do a web search on "gay myths", and please visit some of the resources I used for this article:
Here is a way that you can tell your "good christian" just what you think about them being so presumptuous as to pass judgment on you and your fellow homos:
--how to talk to a judgmental christian
Good luck talking to what, for me, has often been a brick wall. The most important thing that you should take away from this article is to educate yourself! There are resources on the web. Use them. When someone tells you that you are a bad person, be prepared to stand up to that person.
So you're coming out, and you are SOOO angry! You are so angry with yourself that you have not been true to yourself all this time. You are so angry with everyone else for being a part of a world so oppressive that you felt like you had to hide who you are all this time.
You just want to lash out at people, yell at them, tell them they're all a bunch of pig f***ers for treating you like they did. Should you tell them to all just go to hell?
Look - If you really want people to treat you better, you have to talk them in such a way that they will hear you. If you are yelling at them, they will not hear you.
I'll tell you a story. I'm living in Honduras, working with the Peace Corps. It has been a constant struggle here whether or not to come out to people, because attitudes are so conservative here, and people just don't know that regular folks can be gay. They are all very confused by the whole thing. I come out to people on a regular basis, and it usually goes fine. However, my neighbor boys down the street apparently found out from someone that I am gay, and after I would pass them on the street, I'd hear them say, "culero" or faggot. I tried everything, from ignoring it to being confrontational, to threatening, and nothing really worked to entirely eliminate the problem. Finally, I just sat down in the street with the worst-behaved of those kids, his nickname is Gallo. I just sat there, and talked to him for about half an hour, and it was like talking to a brick wall. But I just kept talking and talking and talking to him as if he were a person, and I finally got through, and I got him to agree that he could call me "neighbor" instead of "faggot". My life is so much better now that I don't have to walk the faggot-gauntlet every time I come home now. The kids respect me better, and we're even able to say "hi" to each other.
I have had this point proven to me time and time again. Though sometimes it can be good to just let off some steam and yell at someone, it's rarely ever constructive. You'd be surprised at what people have the capacity to understand. Try approaching that person that you feel has wronged you, and instead of saying, "You're an asshole!", say, "I'm angry with you, because of all the fag jokes you have told in my presence over the years." and start from there.
Don't let your anger consume you. Don't think about time you have wasted. Think about the life you have in front of you. Be happy that you are reconciling your outside life with your inside life and go do fun things!
All right .. Maybe you came to AskAHomo, because you heard I was going to talk about the perennially best selling subject, coming out of the closet. Umm.. Yeah.
So my biggest question is, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? All right, I know .. I know. You have your reasons, but let's dig into those reasons and do some exercises, so that you can try to figure out which reasons really makes sense and which are just your fear of change parading as sense.
First, before we start, I want you to remember: Your life is a sitcom TV show, and you are the only star. Everybody else on your show is an extra or a guest star. That means you are the boss. So, start acting like one.
Let's start by making a list of pros and cons like this example (I want yours to be much longer. Really work hard on this, please!):
|Nobody's actually going to gun me down, probably.||So this isn't really that important|
|I won't have to hear so much anti-gay talk, because people will already know to keep their mouths shut.||Can't tell you how much of a relief this is|
|People will imagine me fucking every time they look at me now that I'm defined by my sexuality||Really? Maybe only the first time, right?|
|I could lose my job||Would my boss really fire me for being gay??|
All right, you might feel better just having written down your pros and cons. Here is how you can analyze them:
All right, so now you have made it through one of my inane exercises.
Over the next few weeks, I want you to carry this pros and cons list with you and add to it or rewrite it entirely over the next few weeks.
If you are not ready to come out, don't worry! You'll be able to do it, and in my next article, we'll talk about whether you should or should not be an angry, belligerent bitch about it when you finally break through.
After much ado, I am back to writing again. What should I write about, says I... Something I know about. All right then. How about I mentor some fellow gays?
My personal blog is fun (see it at http://personal.brentwhistler.com), but I really wanted to spend some of this extra energy I have generating healthy discussion and maybe helping people along the way.
See -- I know it's going to be mostly Americans reading this blog (or gringos as we call them down here in Honduras). I want you to know how lucky you really are! After two years of living down here, I've become convinced gay people can be happy and well adjusted anywhere. Well -- the bar is much higher when you're in a place as backward as this one, but it can be done.
So, I have decided if I can just help one person to come to grips with himself (or herself) and get on the road to rediscovering the value in himself or discover it for the first time, I will really have accomplished something.
I know there are some of you out there who, for one reason or the other, still are struggling .. wanting to come out of the closet but not being able to for a variety of circumstances. I'm going to hit that topic pretty hard, and I hope you will let me know if I'm saying anything helpful. Then, maybe we can move on to something else if we exhaust the topic -- Cher's new Vegas act, maybe?
So, please stay with me and read my articles, whether you're gay, straight, questioning or something else entirely.
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I have been out of the closet for nearly 20 years, and I am a veteran at mentoring people, young and old, during the coming out process. I want to help you help yourself, so read my articles, sign up for updates, contact me with your questions and take advantage of our forum where you can tap the knowledge of thousands of your peers. Submit an article about coming out strategies or about your experience coming out to your friend, family or peers, and if I agree your article is brilliant, you will get front page recognition! If you are not gay, maybe you are here because you wish your friend would come out, or you don’t now how to ask your friend if he or she is gay. Whatever the reason, I welcome you and encourage you to participate in the forums and submit articles to me.